IKEA Monkey

While you were comfortably relaxing in your home over the weekend, a group of Tumblr bloggers tried to hold a convention. The result was DashCon, one of the most glorious shitshows to ever amuse bored Internet users.

Read more...

While being interrupted by police during an intimate encounter is surely no fun for anyone, you really up the odds of an encounter with law enforcement once you make the decision to have sex on the roof of a Delaware Chipotle.

The Chipotle in question closes at 10 p.m., so there were multiple people calling in to report seeing a man and a woman going at the bedroom business, reports CBS Philly.

A police officer responding to the scene says he clearly observed the twosome “engaging in sexual intercourse” on the part of the roof that’s near the front of the building.

And when the officer shouted at the couple to interrupts the coitus, the couple allegedly kept going on for 15-20 seconds before stopping. It’s like they were focused on something else and couldn’t pay attention. Allegedly.

Even though the officer told the couple they were under arrest, police say the suspects hopped off the roof and ran into the man’s apartment nearby. Cops arrested them there and charged them with Resisting Arrest, Lewdness, Indecent Exposure, Loitering and Conspiracy.

See, naysayers! Romance isn’t dead — it’s just been hiding on the top of a Chipotle.

Cops: Couple Had Sex On Top Of Chipotle Restaurant In Delaware [CBS Philly]

A Hempstead, New York, man was shocked to find a human arm in his yard. News 12 Long Island reports.

A good Samaritan pulls over to aid a stranded motorist only to be greeted by a 20 pound snake in the car's engine.

"I will end it when our goals are realized," Israel PM Netanyahu said. "And the overriding goal is to restore the peace and quiet."

The police in Uxbridge, Massachusetts have a request. Someone out there is standing on train bridges and defecating on passing locomotives, and the police would like these people to stop.

The part where they ask folks to stop crapping on trains is drawing headlines, but the more serious issue is that some graffiti artists left their cans on the tracks, and authorities are worried that metal cans or other debris could cause a derailment. Cut it out, the police warned on their Facebook page. “I was told by a P&W [Providence & Worcester Railroad] engineer today that this type of activity could derail or damage the train,” explained a department representative. “At times the trains passing through carry hazardous materials, and if the train gets derailed it could cause a HUGE problem.” Even if the risk isn’t all that high, it’s still not cool to leave anything on railroad tracks.

The department has even harsher words for the poopers, though, warning that anyone caught in the act will be charged with everything that the police possibly can–perhaps indecent exposure, or being super gross in public.

Take this as a warning, if you are caught on the rail road tracks you will be arrested for trespassing, if you are caught “tagging” ANY property you will be arrested, if we catch you with your pants down [defecating] on the train you will be charged with everything we can find that fits the elements to the crime.

Got it? Pooping on freight trains is a ridiculous crime, and not a victimless one.

Uxbridge Police Department [Facebook] (via CBS Boston)

A Texas man allegedly kicked down the door of his former in-laws' house, tied up the couple and their five children, and shot all of them in the head. The couple's 15-year-old daughter played dead until her ex-uncle left, then alerted police that he was on his way to murder her grandparents. Ron Haskell, 33, was intercepted, arrested, and charged with murder after a lengthy stand-off with police.

Read more...

The number of people suffering from kidney stones has grown over the past thirty years, and a new study shows it's likely to get worse. Here's why.

Read more...

E-ZPass, the transponder-based toll payment system available to drivers traveling on the East Coast, does send out invoices to the address on file for your license plate when you avoid toll collectors without having a transponder. However, they do not send these via e-mail.

The Pennsylvania Turnpike alerted drivers and e-mailers to a scam e-mail currently making the rounds that purports to be from E-ZPass. It is not.

This notice works because, hey, you might have driven on a toll road without noticing. If you do have an E-ZPass or compatible toll-paying device, maybe it didn’t work. As long as you actually own a car, it’s certainly possible that you drove it somewhere. It’s more plausible than phishing notices from a bank you don’t conduct business with, or fake PayPal notices sent to an address not registered with PayPal.

Here are some hints that might help you determine the fakey fakeness of this particular message.

• When E-ZPass does send out bills to non-customers who accrue tolls without paying, they don’t send them initially to your e-mail account. They send them to the address associated with your car’s registration. As we said above.
• It is extremely unlikely that an interstate coalition of toll-collecting entities would send you e-mail from wptraningacademy.com. That doesn’t appear to be a working URL at all, let alone an E-ZPass service center address.

WARNING – E-ZPass Phishing Scam Alert! [Pennsylvania Turnpike] (via WGAL)

A hearty Mazel Tov (a blessing on your head!) to Louisiana Congressman Bill Cassidy, whose staunch support of abstinence-only education will soon bear delicious fruit from the tree of poetic justice: His 17-year-old unmarried daughter is pregnant and expecting a baby any day now! Good work, everyone! Let's all go home!

Read more...

This has been our complete coverage of The 2014 Emmy Nominations.

“In-Depth Journalism: We Dip Our Balls In It” – THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter

Photo: BBC America

54% percent want to hear less from the former vice-presidential nominee, including a majority of independents and even nearly four-in-10 Republicans.

An abandoned dog was found with the words "free" and "I need a home" written on it in permanent marker in a California community.

“90 percent of the people who try it like it,” Dirk Fucik says. At Taste of Chicago one year, Fucik gave out 800 carp burgers in two hours. [ more › ]

Oh, this is wonderful: Laurin Döpfner took an industrial sander to objects like logs, electronics, a camera, and a walnut, shaved off 0.5 mm at a time, and made a time lapse video of the results.

This is like a full-color MRI process. Could watch it all day. (via colossal)

Tags: Laurin Dopfner   time lapse   video

There are a lot of things to take away from the story. The first is that there are people out there who are horrible and will leave their dogs to die of heat exhaustion as they shop for low-price goods at unbelievable discounts. The second is that there are people who will spend 13 hours in a Walmart. What is the world coming to?

Read more...

What does it feel like to drop off the tallest water slide in the world?

Jan Brewer was struck in the face by a stray bullet thought to have been shot in celebration of the 4th of July.

No, that headline is not a joke, I promise. A new revival of the beloved musical Cats will feature rap music and rapping cats. I kid you not.

Read more...

It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:

Cry-Baby #1: Ginny Griffith

The house where the fire took place. Screencap via Google Maps

The incident: A woman found a spider in her house. 

The appropriate response: Ignoring it, killing it or putting it in a glass and throwing it outide. Varies from person to person and spider to spider, really.

The actual response: She started a fire to kill the spider, almost burning down her duplex.

Last Friday, Hutchinson Fire Department in Hutchinson, Kansas were called out at 1:36am to deal with a fire in a duplex.

According to Hutch News, when firefighters arrived, they found smoke coming from under a woman's front door. When they entered the residence, they found a pile of smoldering clothes. The blaze was quickly extinguished.

Nobody was injured in the fire, but there was some smoke damage to the building. Obv it could have been a lot worse had the fire department not arrived and dealt with it. 

The woman living in the apartment, 34-year-old Ginny Griffith, was arrested and charged with aggravated arson.

According to local police, Ginny told officers that she'd set fire to a pile of towels in order to kill a spider. She is currently being held on a $7,500 bond. 

It's unclear whether Ginny was succesful in killing the spider. 

Cry-Baby #2: Cracker Barrel

The incident: A man who worked in a restaurant gave a free muffin to a homeless person. 

The appropriate response: Asking him to pay for the muffin and not to do it again, if it bothers you. 

The actual response: He was fired. 

Until recently, 73-year-old Vietnam veteran Joe Koblenzer was a server at Cracker Barrel in Venice, Florida.

About 2 weeks ago, a "homeless looking" man entered the restaurant and asked Joe if he could have some condiments. "He looked a little needy. He asked if I had any mayonnaise and some tarter sauce. He said he was going to cook a fish,” Joe told CNN. 

Joe gave him the condiments, and also threw in a free corn muffin. Speaking to Fox and Friends, Joe said, "He was happy, I felt good about it."

This didn't sit too well with his bosses. “The general manager called me in and said he had some bad news for me,” said Joe. “We are going to have to let you go.”

Joe had worked at the restaurant for three years. 

According to Joe, had previously received two warnings from his bosses for similar things. Once for taking a sip of coke while working, and another time for giving a free cup of coffee to a customer. "The lady had eaten there and was on her way out and the table was cleared and she asked if she could get a coffee to go," explained Joe. 

Joe says he understands why the restaurant fired him, “It's a rule. They legally can do this because I did break the rule. I completely forgot about it. I am a host at Cracker Barrel with a little above minimum wage job." 

"They have their rules and I broke their rules, a moral issue comes in," he added.

In a statement, a spokesperson for Cracker Barrel said: "Mr. Koblenzer received multiple counselings and written warnings reminding him about the company's policies and the consequences associated with violating them. On the fifth occasion, again per company policy, Mr. Koblenzer was terminated. Cracker Barrel is grateful for and honors Mr. Koblenzer's service to our country as we honor all service men and women and their families."

The other two warnings that Cracker Barrel say they gave to Joe were not specified.

During his interview with Fox and Friends, Joe was asked if he felt giving the man the muffin was worth it, and he responded "yes, it was worth it. I would do it again." 

Which of this lot is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:

Who is the bigger cry-baby?

Previously: A woman who got a man fired for dancing vs. a guy who burned down a bakery because he locked himself out of his car.

Winner: The woman who hates dancing!!!

Follow Jamie Lee Curtis Taete on Twitter

P.J. Hairston got drafted in the first round in spite of having been kicked out of North Carolina during college for rule violations.

When most celebrities become famous, they usually give up their old activities and focus on upper-class pursuits like saving the Africa and doing Hornet Cleanses (that’s exactly what it sounds like). Some participate in mainstream sports, we all know that Bill Murray loves golf for example. A few celebs aren’t satisfied with that. They have the money, they have the time, and they need something more. They need to feel alive, and so they turn to sports. Weird sports. The kind of sports that you don’t see on ESPN.

Jack Osbourne started climbing mountains to stay sober

(Skip ahead to the 5:00 minute mark to see a terrified Natalie Imbruglia run all out of faith in a snowstorm in the Rocky Mountains)

The last time you heard about Jack Osbourne may have been back in the previous decade when he was swearing at his mom on MTV’s The Osbournes. Turns out alcoholism does run in the family. After overcoming an addiction to booze and pills, he turned to extreme sports and hosted a reality TV show in Britain called Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Junky. He dabbled in skydiving, martial arts, and jungle treks, but his biggest accomplishments came from the sport of rock climbing. In preparation for a climb on Yosemite’s El Capitan, he lost around 70 pounds. Then Osbourne climbed the 3,000 ft. Salathe Wall on El Capitan, on a route that is rated 5.10. For those who are unfamiliar with American difficulty ratings, the scale goes up to 5.14d. So Jack Osbourne didn’t set any records, but I don’t think we’ll see the children of other famous rock stars beating that climb any time soon.

Ed O’Neill is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

That’s right, the guy from Married With Children and Modern Family, Al Bundy himself, can probably kick your ass. This is no easy accomplishment either, as Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is also notoriously stingy with belts. That school of martial arts stresses ability. Which means that in order to progress, a student has to be able to actually beat other students of the same experience level or higher. Ed O’Neill has been completely devoted to the sport for over two decades. Which means he has some legitimate fighting skills, no wonder Married was such a violent show.

Geena Davis is really good at archery for some reason

Geena Davis loves, loves, archery. And she’s pretty good at it. The Academy Award-winning actress took up the sport at age 41, two years before she tried out for the 2000 Sydney Olympics. She placed 23rd out of 300 and missed the US Olympic team, but that’s an impressive accomplishment. Especially since she just sort of took up the sport on a whim, and ended up training an average of six hours a day for the better part of two years.

The Green Power Ranger devoted his entire life to martial arts

Jason David Frank has played Tommy Oliver-the Green Power Ranger, off and on for 20 years. As you can see from his head, that role left its mark on him. In between Power Rangers gigs Frank continued to hone his martial arts skills, a process he started at age four. He has a scant MMA history filled only with wins and a high-degree black belt. He also founded a martial arts school and created his own form of karate. You may have noticed that I’ve refrained from taking several cheap shots at this guy, like calling him “moldy-haired Mark McGrath” or bashing on his MMA clothing brand Jesus Didn’t Tap. That’s because this guy eats, lives, and breathes two things: kicks to the face and the Green Ranger. This guy is the real deal, and I don’t need additional trouble in my life right now.

Mark Paul Gosselaar enjoys wearing spandex and riding bicycles-fast

 

(Mark Paul Gosselaar begins chastising Conan for not shaving his legs because that’s what “real cyclists” do around 3:05 in the video)

Mark Paul Gosselaar, of Saved By The Bell and Franklin and Bash fame, took up the sport of cycling a few years back and quickly got hooked. If you don’t know much about cycling, please consult this handy graphic. For whatever reason, MPG fell in love with the sport and got really good at it. He progressed quickly through the ranks of amateur cycling in the United States, winning several races along the way to becoming a Category 2 rider. That’s one step below the highest class of amateurs and he did it in only two years. You can check out his official race history here. He seems to have been slacking lately, something his friends on the pro team Garmin-Sharp noticed a few months back, so they sent him a full team uniform to get him back on his bike. Though he hasn’t completed any races this year, he holds an active USA Cycling license for 2014 and donated money to the anti-doping program RaceClean.

Filed under: Sports, Web Culture Tagged: ACTORS DOING WEIRD STUFF, ACTORS PLAYING SPORTS, CELEBRITIES WHO COULD KICK OUR ASSES, Extreme Sports, SPANDEX, Sports

Turns out the book she's holding up with her well bejeweled hand in the post below is a book she wrote, the third book she's written!

Read more...

Shopping for pre-owned fur coats on eBay in the dead of summer is remarkably entertaining thanks to the models, who range from reluctant to fabulous.

Read more...

People are so uncomfortable with quiet contemplation that many of them – especially men – would rather experience minor electrical shocks.

Biologists in Alaska have a perplexing dilemma on their hands—they can't get people to keep their hands off baby moose.

Read more...

Let’s go out.

Let’s grab friends, let’s grab drinks, let’s make it happen.

Now, if you’re like me then even though you love hitting a busy scene, you sorta end up sticking to your own corner booth or tipsy table with your own group of friends. Sure, sure, rogue eyeballs drift and linger, small-talk could be swapped at the bar, and elbows might accidentally disrespect the buffer, but for the most part most of us stick to our own teams.

That’s what makes it special when everyone at the bar suddenly starts singing together. It’s a rare moment of unity that usually goes down one of three ways:

1. Sports cheer. Everyone’s watching the home team on the big screen. When a goal is scored as the clock clicks down and it’s time to grab each other’s shoulders, sway side to side, and let the tears stream down those painted faces.

2. Birthday brotherhood. Have you ever been at a family restaurant when the staff started singing happy birthday and everyone chimed in? Yes, this is when the magic of the ten-year-old’s flaming cake infects everybody with birthday love. The best part is when you get to the part where you’re supposed to sing the person’s name. Usually it comes out like “Happy BIRTH-day dear girl-at-the-barrrrrrrrr….  happy birthday to youuuuuuuu.”

3. Late night sing-a-long. Everyone’s chit-chatting into the early morning when suddenly the DJ drops a fan favorite and cranks it up. Fists pump the sky and drinks slosh around as Bon Jovi or Guns N’ Roses gets everyone jumping.

Yes, there sure is something sweet and something special about that magic moment when everyone starts singing together. It’s like the loud chords shake us up, the screaming vocals sweep us in, and our whole sweaty, sloshy crowd comes together in a big beautiful moment of

AWESOME!

– Email message –

“Greetings from Hungary! Behind me there’s the Buda Castle with the Matthias Church and I’m standing on Elizabeth Bridge over the Danube. There was a strong wind, I had to hold the book tightly :) And here’s my story: My boyfriend travels a lot because of his work. Now he’s working in Kazakhstan for a month. It’s the longest period of time we’ve been separated so far. It’s really hard to handle as we’re always spending all of our time together when he’s at home. But the arriving of The Book of Awesome and his departure to Kazakhstan happened on the same day :) And it helps a lot. Now every day I text him an awesome thing when I wake up to make his day better. And it works :)” – Eszti

Photos from:  here

Why don't you... spend the Wednesday before July 4th looking at photos of historical American wedding gowns? Let's reminisce about the days before strapless dresses, when everyone wanted sleeves so puffy they brushed both sides of the doorway.

Read more...